Demons and Memories

I am struggling today with memories of things long past. They affect me as if they had just recently happened, warping my emotions into cocktails of despair, anger, sadness, confusion, and despondency. I have an emotional problem that is the result of a chemical imbalance, but this knowledge doesn't keep the spectors at bay.

This isn't science; this is pure hell, as far as I am concerned. No pill will take this away quickly enough, and even if a pill could, the thoughts remain in my head, waiting to blossom again into another amazing psychological stench.

This is where it crosses my mind to smudge my room. (Burn a smudge stick to fill my room with the fragrant smoke.)

This action is not necessarily a mystical one, though I certainly believe that doing it will clear my room of stagnant energy (More on that later).
Something about presenting evidence of destruction-- in this case, smoke--  and leaving it there in the face of things which tie and bind the mind somehow presents a clear space for later growth. Like wildflowers growing in the ashes the morning after a forest fire, the mind can breathe again, and the energy in my room will be clear and easy to be in again.

It is as if one has fooled their demons into thinking that all here is dead, already. They will move on temporarily.

The fragrance of the burning herbs is not entirely offensive to a person like me, though. I am not turned away by it, and nor is my God. We will remain and continue as we have been after the smoke has cleared. (Though, this is not at all like burning inscence. Anyone who cannot stand smoke should not do this....)

As far as the seeds of memory left behind, I still do not know what to do with them. In time they will not seek to root so quickly. Maybe I can change the way my mind is balanced so that they cannot blossom like that any longer.

Taking a medication and attending therapy will help that process. Sometimes I wish I had more than one session every two weeks. 

In the meantime, I hold my demons at bay with fire and smoke. It's a neat trick. It's one that I am learning to lean on as much as anything else.

As one doctor said to me, once: "Anything that helps."